


To Say That It's Okay

by theshyauthor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Angst, BDSM, Bottom!Cas, Community: spnkink_meme, D/s, Dean is the good guy, Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Sexual Abuse, dom!Dean, sub!cas, top!dean, w: 1000-5000
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 05:33:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3163118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshyauthor/pseuds/theshyauthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, “You call your safeword whenever you need me to stop. Other than that the only sounds I want to hear from you are your moans and screams of pleasure.” Dean’s voice drops lower with each word he speaks and he sees Castiel shiver again. There’s two feelings in the world that Dean loves more than anything else: The one of helping someone in need and the one of dominating another person’s body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wordcount: 3725  
> Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort  
> Warnings: D/S, Non/Dub-Con, Abuse  
> A/N: I can see myself already writing a second part for this...  
> Summary: AU, “You call your safeword whenever you need me to stop. Other than that the only sounds I want to hear from you are your moans and screams of pleasure.” Dean’s voice drops lower with each word he speaks and he sees Castiel shiver again. There’s two feelings in the world that Dean loves more than anything else: The one of helping someone in need and the one of dominating another person’s body.
> 
> Filled for this prompt at the spnkink_meme:  
> can be set in a D/s AU verse or not, i have no preference, but consent should be treated as important.  
> dean or cas (no preference) is a sub for a dom/domme with a highly respected reputation, but who is secretly manipulative and abusive.  
> the dom/domme "loans" the sub to another dom (dean or cas) for a weekend, or some other allotment of time, as a punishment. the other dom thinks this is a fully consensual arrangement (perhaps the sub is manipulated/threatened into saying yes, or is naive and doesn't know they should be able to say no).  
> i would like whoever is the sub to go into scening with the new dom as stoic and trying to remain detached from the situation as a coping mechanism, but to feel increasingly panicked and vulnerable as it progresses until the reality of the situation is revealed (preferably the dom realizes something isn't right and insists on stopping, but it's not required)  
> the dom is horrified and does everything within their power to rectify the situation, with a lot of reassurance and aftercare and gentle, non-sexual domming to help the sub deal.  
> whether something, if anything, happens to the abusive dom/domme is up to the author, but would like a hopeful/happy ending with dean/cas tentatively seeking a relationship with one another or something to that effect.  
> no: watersports/scat, daddy kink, or use of the title "master," please, but all other kinks are welcome
> 
> This fic can also be found on tumblr (the-shy-author) and livejournal (theshyauthor).

Dean is thrilled. It’s a Saturday night and he’s had a long and exhausting day at work at the Police Station. The minute he entered his house he shed his uniform and took a long and thorough shower. And now he’s dressed in black leather pants and no shirt, a leather bracelet wrapped around each wrist and waiting for Uriel to arrive.  
The dom had approached him at a D/S nightclub only a few nights ago and Dean had felt honored, knowing that he was talking to one of the most respected doms of the local area. His subs were supposedly always well trained. Dean was even more surprised when Uriel offered him a sub over the weekend. When he asked why Uriel would offer him that, the man answered that it was a simple gesture of thanks for what Dean did for the city as a police officer each day. Dean couldn’t possibly turn that generous gesture down now, could he? So now he’s waiting in his house for Uriel to arrive with his best sub, as he had promised, that would stay with Dean until Monday morning to play with and take care for. He can’t think of a better way to relax this weekend.

The moment the doorbell rings Dean is off the couch and opening the front door. Uriel is standing there, dressed in black and with a smirk on his face, his hand settled on the neck of a man, who is kneeling on the is floor. Dean can’t see much of him but black hair and pale skin, his head is bowed, his hands clasped together behind his back, the perfect submissive position.  
Dean opens the door wider. “Please come in, both of you.” he offers.  
Uriel shakes his head though. “I’d love to take you up on that offer, but maybe another time. There’s business for me to do. His name is Castiel and there’s nothing he won’t do for you. I’ll pick him up on Monday at 9 a.m.. Maybe we’ll have coffee then?”  
Dean agrees and shakes the man’s hand. Then he tells Castiel to get inside while exchanging a few more words with his dominant. Only when the door is closed and Castiel is kneeling on the carpet in Dean’s front hall does the man take a closer look.  
"Stand up for me?” It’s an order disguised as a question and the dom watches as the man stands up slowly. There’s something graceful about the way he holds himself upright, shoulders straight while his head is still bowed. The young man is dressed in blue jeans and a black t-shirt, his shoes are already off. He’s shorter than Dean and well-built.  
Dean places two of his fingers under the subs chin and pushes his head up. “In this house I want my subs to look into my eyes.” He waits for Castiel to process the command and is breathless when beautiful blue eyes meet his. This man is a true work of art. “My name is Dean and that’s what you will call me. Whenever I ask you a question, I want you to respond loud and clearly, is that understood?”  
“Yes, s-Dean” the immediate answer comes.  
Dean nods approvingly. “I want you to lose your shirt and socks. You can put them into the bathroom, second door to the right. In there you’ll also find a leather collar. For the time being here I want you to wear it. Once you’re finished, find me in the kitchen. Is that clear?”  
“Yes, Dean” Castiel repeats himself and Dean can see his jaw muscles clench but doesn’t comment on it. He’s almost out of the room before he realizes that he’s forgotten the most important question of all. “Castiel?” Blue eyes find his immediately. “What’s your safeword?”  
He could have sworn that he sees Castiel’s face crumble and it takes a second or two for the young man to answer. “Grace, s-Dean.” Dean makes a satisfied sound before leaving Castiel for himself in the front hall.

Castiel doesn’t talk much and he’s also not all to interested in the take out dinner Dean’s ordered. He mostly just kneels on the floor even though Dean assured him that he can use the furniture. “We’re not yet in a scene man, don’t your knees hurt?”  
The man doesn’t reply before his eyes go wide and he stammers out a “No, Dean.” If he hadn’t looked this distressed, Dean wouldn’t even have realized that he had almost broken a rule.  
It’s past 9 p.m. when Dean turns of the TV and deems tonights program as completely stupid. He stands up from the couch and stretches his muscles over his head. Castiel is looking up at him and Dean gives him a grin. “Come on, up with you. It’s time to play.”

He’s been achingly hard in his pants for some time now already and honestly hasn’t been this excited to play with someone for quite a while now.

  


Castiel is scrambling up and following him. He watches with hawk-like eyes as Dean gets a key from a drawer in his study and unlocks the door in the same room. He turns on the light in there, only bright enough to let a human see, and waits for Castiel to go in. The younger man’s eyes dart around quickly, trying to take in as much as possible and Dean can see a shiver running over the other man’s back. He takes it as a sign of excitement and grins to himself as he locks the door again behind himself. With a hand on Castiel’s lower back he leads the man towards the chains hanging from the ceiling, their handcuffs padded with leather to prevent from serious damage should his submissive struggle. Castiel is pliant in his hands, lets himself be bend forward with his hands behind his back and doesn’t give a sign of discomfort when Dean starts locking his wrists into the cuffs. The police officer is impressed with the trust the younger man shows with that gesture, letting himself be chained up like that in a foreign house, alone with a stranger. Then again he must know that Dean is a police officer, must trust him to not hurt him. That’s why he’s doing this in the first place, isn’t he?  


“Uriel said you’d do anything, but I want to make sure to check” Dean says into the half-darkness of the room, stroking Castiel’s back longingly with two fingers. “Is there anything you would not be comfortable with? I need you to tell me now, before we properly start this.” He walks around and crouches before the man to give him the opportunity to look him in the eyes.  
“No” Castiel says as their eyes meet and Dean feels a chill running over his back for unknown reasons. He swallows another time then nods and stands up again. “You call your safeword whenever you need me to stop. Other than that the only sounds I want to hear from you are your moans and screams of pleasure.” Dean’s voice drops lower with each word he speaks and he sees Castiel shiver again. There’s two feelings in the world that Dean loves more than anything else: The one of helping someone in need and the one of dominating another person’s body.  


Dean makes his way around the man and presses himself against his back, making sure to let him feel his excitement. He wraps his hands around the slender body and opens the button and zip of Castiel’s dark blue jeans, finding the man’s cock still soft. Huh, maybe he is nervous after all. Dean gives him a few quick strokes through the fabric of the tight black underwear, coaxing the man’s penis into a half-hard state, before pulling down both jeans and underwear and telling the man to step out of them.  


Castiel is a beautiful sight to sore eyes. His cock is now slightly curved upwards and he’s staring at the floor what seems to be in concentration, his jaw muscles clenching and unclenching every few seconds like they did the first time Dean gave him an order. The police officer knows that he will probably never be as good as a dom as Uriel is, but he wants to make this night unforgettable for the angelic looking man in front of him. He takes notice of some of the bruises on Castiel’s body. “It looks like you enjoy pain.” He says to himself, fingers travelling over a greenish-yellow spot on Castiel’s left asscheek. Dean leans forward, kisses the spot and whispers over the smooth skin “and pain I can give to you.” He bites as his hands find Castiel’s cock again, thumb stroking over the tip as his teeth bury in soft flesh, coaxing a whimper to fall from Castiel’s lips. The police officer enjoys the sound, his own cock twitching in the now far too tight pants and he loses them fast, giving himself a few quick strokes.  
He walks around Castiel again, positions himself before the man and trails fingers over red-bitten lips. “Want to show me what wonders you can do with that pretty mouth of yours?” he asks.  
“Yes, Dean” Castiel replies and Dean freezes for a moment at that voice. It sounds cold, almost like a roboter speaking, not a human being. But then Castiel looks up and there’s a twinkle in his eyes that Dean can’t place, but it looks like a good thing so he takes a step closer and coaxes the man’s mouth open with his fingers. “Suck it good, show me what a good boy you are.” he orders. Castiel goes to work immediately. His tongue is skilled and his warm mouth feels like a gift from heaven. Dean’s hands find their place in the dark hair and tug at it and oh- the man doesn’t seem to have a gag reflex. Dean’s hips snap forward hard a few times and he can’t hold back a moan. He’s never had a mouth as skilled as that one around his cock before. It’s a shame he has to give the sub back after the weekend.  
Dean steps back again and the popping sound it makes when his cock slips out of Castiel’s heavenly mouth again is pornographic. He could probably come in minutes if the guy keeps on working his mouth around his cock that way, like a schoolboy.  


The older man starts tweaking Castiel’s nipples with one hand, his second one teasing Castiel’s rim playfully, dipping one finger in deep enough to feel the tightness but not too far to actually hurt. His hands travel down to tug at Castiel’s balls and roll them around in his fingers before giving some attention to the cock that’s now fully erected and leaking a drop of precum from the tip. Dean wipes it away with his thumb and orders Castiel to lick it off, which the other man does immediately. The dom is impressed. Most of his subs made a face at the idea of tasting themselves but this one didn’t even bat an eyelash. It really was true what they said, Uriel’s subs seemed to be the best there was.  
Dean let his nails scratch over Castiel’s back before stepping back to one of the closets on the wall, positioned for the bend over sub to not be able to see what’s inside. Dean takes out lube and a condom along with a whip. Castiel’s shoulders started to tremble by now, a side effect of the position Dean put him in and it’s a beautiful sight to see. He let’s the leather straps of the whips glide over the shaking skin. “Look at you.” he whispers, mesmerized by the mostly white skin under his hands before lifting the whip and bringing it down once, twice on the right asscheek. Castiel lets out nothing more but a breath each time the leather comes into contact with his skin and Dean watches the white turn to red. It’s a beautiful sight. He gives himself another stroke before going for the lube. He coats his fingers in it and traces Castiel’s rim again before easing in one finger, than two. With every thrust in and out he makes sure to stroke Castiel’s prostate, and keeps listening to the hitch in the man’s breath that is like music to his ears. He keeps scissoring his fingers, a little bit impatient because he wants to bury himself in that tight feeling hole as soon as possible. There’s still more than enough time for them to play tomorrow. Dean uses the whip again on Castiel’s back, hoping for a moan, only getting another breathy whimper again.  
To hell with it, he thinks to himself and tears open the condom package. He’s quick in rolling over the condom and lubes it up some more, just to be sure, before positioning himself behind the man and pushing his hips in with one quick move. Another hitched breath. Dean’s fingers press into Castiel’s hips as he leans forward a bit. “What an amazing sub you are. Feels amazing, your tight little hole around my cock.” he whispers, emphasizing his words with another hard thrust. He takes the whip, aims for three strokes. There’s a whimper to hear from Castiel. Dean takes it as a good sign, finally getting something out of his sub that’s not a breath. Leaning forward, he hooks two fingers under Castiel’s leather collar, pulls at it some, making it hard to breath for minutes before letting go. He closes his eyes and licks his lips, savoring this feeling after not having sex for almost two months. Another stroke with the whip. Castiel’s breathing comes more ragged by now, his body trembling more. Dean wonders what he would have to do to make this sub his own, to be the only one to care for him. If he was Uriel, he’d never lend that pleasing body to anyone else.  


There’s the sound of skin roughly slapping against skin, Dean’s moans, sometimes the whip hitting skin and Castiel’s breathing, that gets louder and louder. He’s probably not a screamer in bed, Dean assumes and takes the struggling and irregular breath as a sign of the younger man getting closer to his orgasm as well. Dean can’t hold it back anymore. He’s thrusting forward a few more times and throws his head back, eyes closed and guttural moan escaping his lips as he comes, body shuddering and out of breath. Once he’s come down from the high he pulls out of the other man and throws the used condom to the floor. It can be dealt with afterwards. What counts now is bringing the man pleasure that’s been such a good sub to him, make him come once, maybe even twice before cleaning up and going to bed. Dean feels sated and blissful but all of that disappears the second his hand wraps around the younger man’s cock, finding it soft between his legs. “Castiel?” Dean asks in alarm. He can feel his heart speeding up in panic, trying to figure out what he did wrong.  


Castiel’s head is bowed to the floor, more shudders wrecking his body and Dean’s on his knees in front of the man in a heartbeat, heart shattering at the sight of red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Only now does he realize that the hitched breath wasn’t a sign of pleasure but of suppressed sobs.  
“Cas, hey, look at me! What’s wrong, what happened?” he cups the man’s cheeks in his hands and tries to wipe some of the tears away, ignoring the slight flinch the man gives.  
Castiel starts shaking his head, whispering “I’m sorry, sir” over and over again if his breath allows him. Dean acts fast after that. He unlocks the handcuffs with practiced moves, careful to make sure that the sub doesn’t fall over once he’s free. Then he lowers him to the floor. It sickens him when he sees Castiel take the perfect submissive position again, even when he’s clearly distressed. Dean gets a blanket from the closet and wraps it around the crying man’s shoulder, hoping that it gives him some sense of safety. He quickly pulls on his underwear, then he kneels down again. “Cas, it’s okay. It’s over. We’re done, the scene is done. You’ve been such a good boy, ssssh, calm down. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Take a deep breath, it’s over!”  
He rubs the man’s shoulders and upper arm and talks to him in the voice he uses at work, when he has to help settle down witnesses or victims. It sickens him to think that Castiel acts the way a victim would, dread settling in his stomach. It takes minutes for the sub to breath properly again and that only after Dean released the leather collar from his neck, half an hour for the man to lean against his chest and nearly fifteen minutes more, before he’s fallen asleep, cried himself into exhaustion. Dean picks him up from the floor and carries him into the guest room. He lays out some comfortable clothes and writes down a note for Castiel to wear them once he’s up and search for Dean. After that, the officer turns on his computer and tries to find out everything there is to know about Uriel.

Castiel comes into the kitchen around 8 a.m.. Dean has only slept for four hours. He gives Cas a smile and watches with sad eyes, as the man falls onto his knees almost immediately, before continuing his pancakes.  
“I’m sorry for what happened yesterday, Dean.” says the gravelly voice, filled with shame.  
Dean’s heart clenches. “Tell me what happened. Where did I go wrong?”  
“It wasn’t your fault. I was a bad sub. Please don’t let any of what happened last night affect the rest of my time with you.”  
Dean let’s the bowl fall out of his hands, glad that it only hits the kitchen counter, not the floor. He turns around, fuming. “A bad sub? You call that a bad sub? You were terrified during our scene and you never safeworded. What kind of dom does it make me to not realize that my partner clearly wants to end the scene?” Castiel bows his head even lower and draws his shoulders up higher. “It’s against the rules for a sub to safeword during punishment if no physical damage is done that might affect his life.” the man says with shaking hands.  
There’s that feeling of sickness and dread in Dean’s stomach again. He falls to his knees to not intimidate the scared sub anymore than he already does. “Wh-what kind of punishment, Cas?” he asks carefully and feels like he doesn’t even want to know the answer. Once it’s clear that he won’t get anymore answers, Dean gets up with a sigh. Castiel has broken one of his rules but it’s not hard to see that there’s something bigger going on, so Dean lets it slide. “Set the table for me, will you? And make it two sets.” he adds the second sentence as afterthought, remembering how the other man had only set up one plate last night, kneeling next to the seat until Dean ordered him to get another plate for himself and sit on the table.

“That punishment you talked about earlier” Dean starts and closes the book he’s just read in. He takes the glasses of his nose and places them on the coffee table. Castiel’s back straightens as he also closes the magazine he’s just read after some coaxing on Dean’s side.”What did you do to deserve it?”  
Castiel looks at his lap and blushes. “My master didn’t like dinner. He said that the meat was to dry and the carrots too cooked.”  
“And that’s why he punished you?”  
“Yes, Dean.” Castiel answers and fidgets with his fingers.  
“Is it often, that Uriel gives out a punishment like that?”  
Castiel quickly shakes his head. “Oh no sir, most of the time he sticks to whipping or the closet. He only sends me to his friends when he’s in a particularly bad mood, but it’s never unjustified.”  
Dean thinks he might throw up. He’s Castiel’s punishment? And the sub even defends him?  
“Castiel. I want you to be honest with your next answer. Do you like being given around as punishment?”  
Castiel’s eyes widen and shamefully lowers his head. “It’s a bit scary.” he admitted in a small voice before getting louder. “I never know what to expect from strange dom’s. They often hurt me worse than Uriel does. I’m not allowed to safeword during scenes.” Tears are shimmering in his eyes and he looks panicked when he realizes what he’s just said. “But you are a good dom, si-Dean.” He is off the couch and kneeling on the floor again and Dean feels like crying because even though he didn’t say it, Castiel doesn’t want to be here. Castiel never wanted to be here. He never wanted to be in a scene with Dean and oh god, Dean had practically raped the young man. He takes a deep breath. The officer is disgusted with himself but he needs to forget about that for now. What he has to do right now, is to help this sub.  
Castiel’s breath is shaky. He obviously thinks he’s said something wrong and Dean places his hand on the younger man’s neck with soft pressure, drawing small circles on the skin. “You’re a good boy Cas, for being this honest with me.” he forces himself to say with a confident sounding voice.  
“I am?” the sub asks and looks up hopefully at the words.  
“Yes” Dean assures him. “You follow my rules so very well in such a short amount of time.” Castiel brightens visibly under the praise and Dean’s heart breaks all over again. “Now bring me a glass of orange juice please.” Cas is up and scurrying away to fulfill Dean’s order and the older man grabs his phone. He has calls to make and people to talk to and one goal in mind: to never have the sub that’s currently under his care return to his abusive dom again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, friends. Bet you didn't think you'd see this day coming. You probably can't even remember the first part of the story anymore, because I posted it in Feburary. But many of you asked for a second part and well, here it finally is. I hope you enjoy it.

It’s been a long day at work and Dean just really needs a drink, or possibly five. Three calls of domestic disturbance and some drug-dealing gone wrong were only the start of his ten hour shift that day. Now it’s nine p.m. and he just really needs to relax, some beer and maybe a sub to take care of for the next few hours. So Dean sheds his uniform and takes a quick shower before getting ready to leave the house, already knowing where he will spend the rest of the night.

Leathers, the club were Castiel had been offered to him over three months ago, had changed a lot after Dean found out Uriel’s game of borrowing his subs against their consent. The man was charged with sexual assault and as the police started their investigation against him, they found a huge stash of drugs hidden in his penthouse. It made the local news since Uriel is a well-known local businessman. He’s still waiting for his sentence but Dean knows that the man will sit in jail for quite a while.

The club owner, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, had reacted horrified when hearing about the incident. To get into Leathers, every person now has to be registered. Hired doms roam the floor to look out for subs. An extra room was installed for submissives to go to that is always occupied by someone professional to talk to should they feel unsafe in their place. Before BDSM shows consent has to be given loud and clear and the safeword has to be repeated three times before a scene may begin. It’s exclusive and it provides a safe space for both dominants and submissives and Dean enjoys the club even more these days. But he also can’t deny that he always comes back in hopes of catching clear blue eyes of the man that haunts his memories.

Castiel had been wary when Dean first approached him on the subject of consent but soon enough he had opened up to the dom and allowed him to take him to the station. Dean had tried to be part of the investigation but was removed from the case. It was too personal, his colleagues had said. He hasn’t seen Castiel since that day and he’s not stupid enough to think that Castiel could ever come back to the place where he was whored out to strangers against his will, but a tiny voice in the back of his mind won’t shut up about it. Because Castiel is a work of art, absolutely stunning, and Dean would give a lot to be the dom to take care of this beautiful man and to treat him with the respect he deserves. It’s not going to happen, but a man can hope. When after three beers a young sub comes over and throws himself on Dean’s lap, and the man has assured himself that Castiel is not in the club, he takes the stranger back to the playroom. He’s a good sub and Dean enjoys playing with him, but the lust filled green eyes staring at him are just not the ones he wants to see.

___

Sam is in town to visit. Dean is excited about it. He always enjoys seeing his little brother, his sister-in-law and especially his little niece. She’s a six years old ray of sunshine already and Dean can’t believe how fast she’s growing up. He often regrets living this far away from his family because he doesn’t get to see the people he loves most nearly as often as he wants to but when they visit every few months he makes the best of the time he gets with them. 

Currently little Mary is perched on one of the wooden chairs around the dinner table and demanding pancakes. Jess and Sam both tried to talk her out of her desire for about half an hour now, but to no avail. Her bottom lip is trembling and her eyes are suspiciously wet. She has the puppy eyes from Sammy and even at her young age she uses them just as good as her father, if not even better. Because he doesn’t see her often anyway and he wants to be a cool uncle (and honestly how could he possibly say no to her?), Dean is on her side and together they talk her parents into pancakes for lunch. 

They choose some weird healthy restaurant because Sam and Jess are both spoilsports. It’s a place that Dean has never heard of before. Relatively small but cozy, the restaurant offers booths that allow each party to have a certain amount of privacy. The menus are printed on recycled paper and as much as Dean hates to admit it, the place is nice. Dean’s head is buried inside the pages, looking for the food that has to offer the most calories at this place, when a deep rumbly voice starts talking.

“Hello, my name’s Castiel and I’ll be your waiter today. What can I get you?”

It’s impossible. It simply can’t be. Dean did not try to forget the fragile sub for months, only to run into him at a freaking healthy restaurant of all places. He’s kind of frozen now, his face still hiding behind the menu and not sure what to do as Sam and Jess already give their orders and little Mary requests her pancakes in her high voice that sounds like bells above the doors at an old stores. 

All eyes are on Dean now, he can feel it, and he looks up in the hopes of either a) hallucinating or b) Castiel having forgotten about him. He knows he’s out of luck as soon as their eyes meet.

The changes within the waiter are subtle but Dean can spot them immediately. His shoulders are drawn up and his knuckles turn white from the way he’s gripping his pen tightly. He presses his cracked lips together as he watches Dean, waiting in silence.

Dean clears his throat. “I’ll have just a coffee please.” He doesn’t think he could stomach even the tiniest bit of food at the moment. 

Castiel nods his head at that and scurries off. They pretend not to know each other for the entire time. Dean spends the rest of the day with Sam, Jess and Mary at the park, playing ball games with his niece and plotting pranks with her targeted at his little brother. He tries to forget, but once the family of three has returned home, he lies awake in bed at night and thinks of piercing blue eyes.

___

Dean finds himself at the restaurant again five days later. He keeps his head low because coming here with his little brother was okay, but he’ll be damned if someone he knows spots him here on his own. He can already here the laughter of his colleagues, the ones that always tease him about the amount of donuts he eats in one day, like the stereotypical cop he is.

He has picked out the same table that he sat on the last time. Of course it’s a stupid idea. Dean doesn’t even know if Cas works today, but he wants to talk to the man again, wants to ask him how he’s doing. He couldn’t help but notice that his skin looked less pale and that he had gained weight. Dean wants to make sure that Cas is okay.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

And just like the last time, Dean doesn’t even hear Castiel coming closer. He wonders about what kind of policeman he is, letting his guard down like that, having sex with people against their will without realizing it. There’s guilt in his heart, it’s been in there ever since the day he wrapped his arm around Castiel’s thin waist only to feel his non-erect cock in the palm of his hand.

“I need to talk to you.”

Dean watches as Castiel bites his lower lip and checks his wristwatch. He looks uncertain. “I have a break in thirty minutes. Can you wait?” His answer is met with an enthusiastic nod. 

The minutes turn into hours for Dean. He orders a coffee and watches Cas work from the corner of his eyes. Seconds seem to stop passing and everything around him goes in slow motion. The cars on the street pass in slow motion, the waiters in this place move in slow motion and a man accidently smashes a glass in slow motion. Dean feels like he’s wrapped up in batting.

It seems like an eternity before Castiel sits down on the opposite bench of Dean, a glass filled with soda clasped in both his hands. 

“You look better,” Dean breaks the silence between them after a few seconds and scratches the back of his neck. It’s a nervous habit he’s had since he was a child. 

“My life is better,” Castiel answers him quietly and looks up for the first time. Dean can’t get over the color of the other man’s eyes. It’s simply mesmerizing. “And I never even thanked you for it.”

“Thank me?” Dean wants to laugh and cry at the same time and lowers his voice. “I raped you, Cas. Why would you ever want to thank me?”

The dark-haired man flinches at the word, but shakes his head. “You didn’t know what you were doing and in the end you saved me. I was given to many other people before you that knew very well that I was not exactly consenting and they didn’t feel any guilt in what they were doing. You did nothing wrong, but I still forgive you if that is what you need to hear from me. It was you who gave me back my life when I was too weak and scared to escape. Now excuse me, my break is short and I’d like to eat before it’s over.”

Castiel leaves abruptly and Dean watches him disappear into the staff-only area. He drains his coffee, throws some money on the table and leaves the restaurant before he can get another look at the waiter. His heart feels less heavy as he steps out of the restaurant and is greeted by the sounds of the city. 

___

Dean becomes somewhat of a regular at the restaurant and he hates to admit it, but most of the rabbit food they have to offer tastes quite good. At first, Castiel was irritated by him showing up so often, but Dean only smiled at him. Over time, however, he spent his breaks eating lunch at Dean’s table. It was a fragile bond that formed between the two of them and Dean knows that it can break with just one wrong word. He’s careful to not fuck this up. Cas is the most fascinating human being he has ever met. 

“Do you ever miss it?” Dean asks one night. He’s had a few beers and the restaurant is closing up. It’s only him, Castiel, and two other waiters. Dean trails after Cas, who is cleaning tables with a wet cloth. They haven’t talked about the incident since Castiel told him that first time that he was thankful to Dean, but right now he is feeling brave and he feels the alcohol running through his veins and Castiel looks beautiful in this light, the way he is bent over the table. 

Castiel freezes in his movements and Dean thinks that he has fucked it up now. This must be the very moment Cas snaps and tells him to go away and never come back again. He watches carefully, observes and wishes he could take the words back, but they are out in the open now. He doesn’t expect the answer he gets.

“Sometimes.”

The word hangs in the air between them and Castiel starts moving again. He changes the topic, starts talking about this book he found at the store yesterday and contemplates buying. His voice is cheerful but Dean knows it’s an act. He can see his friend’s nerves, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he listens to Castiel retell the plot of the book and they both pretend the last minute never existed.

 

___

“In the beginning I thought he really loved me.”

Dean hums. He’s at Cas’ flat, four months after their reunion at the restaurant. They watch some stupid zombie movie with dull characters and horrible special effects. Every now and again, Cas lets something slip from his past relationship. He’s done this for weeks now, since the night Dean asked if he misses the scene. 

Reacting to it would make him shut up again, so Dean has learned to stay silent and just listen. He listens when Castiel tells him about the punishments he had to endure and he listens when he tells him about how scared he was. He listens when Castiel tells him about his time as a submissive before he met his last master and he listens when Castiel cries, cries because he feels used and dirty and hates the person he’s become. 

They kiss for the first time that night. It’s more of an accident. Castiel trips and nearly falls, but Dean catches him by the shoulders and suddenly they are closer to each other than they both realized, and then their lips touch and it’s hard to say whose fault it is. Castiels lips are warm and dry and a tad bit chapped but they feel good against Dean’s and when the kiss ends, Cas freaks out and throws Dean out of his flat. He writes him a text message the next day, asking if Dean wants to watch that new horror movie at the local theater with him and Dean knows they are okay.

Their relationship that develops after that is unexplainable to an outsider. It consists of long talks into the early hours of the morning and sometimes soft short kisses on the lips or cheeks. Dean moves slowly. He loves the look of trust shining in Castiels eyes on good days and he loathes the look of fear that makes his chest feel tight on bad days.

When he stays over at Cas’ flat for the first time, he can hear the lock of the bedroom door clicking as he makes himself comfortable on the couch, knowing that Castiels warm body is only mere meters away from him but still untouchable. The fifth time he stays over, Cas lets him slip into his bed, a bundle of nerves and rambling a mile an hour. Dean enjoys the feeling of his boyfriend gradually relaxing in his arms as his breath gets deeper and he strokes his hand lovingly through soft dark hair repeatedly.

They don’t meet up at Dean’s house ever. It holds memories that neither of them want to think about and a room that Dean knows Castiel probably never wants to see again, but they talk more about what happened to him, actual conversations and not just Castiel talking and Dean listening anymore.

Sex is a delicate subject between the two of them. It goes unmentioned between them for months. Dean doesn’t push. He knows that it must be hard for Castiel and even though on some nights his hand doesn’t feel like enough anymore, he seals his lips and waits for the first move to come from the other man. It pays off sometimes in the eighth month of their relationship, when they make out on the couch just like they have done many times before, and instead of shying away, Castiel rolls his hips against Dean’s. They grind against each other messily, both desperately hard in their pants and panting heavily, and it is easily one of the best orgasms Dean has ever had. Castiel hides from him for two days, but on the third day he shows up with a red rose in front of the police station as Dean is about to go home.

It’s exactly on their one year anniversary that they have sex for the first time. Dean goes slow and prepares Castiel carefully, stopping often to check in with him, make sure that Cas is okay with what they are doing and doesn’t feel pressured. There are tears in his eyes and he is shivering, but Castiel insists that he wants this, even snaps at Dean when the other has two fingers in him already and voices his concerns for what seems like the millionth time. Dean moves slowly with gentle thrusts and after it’s over, Cas cries. Dean’s heart breaks because he knew Cas wasn’t ready, they shouldn’t have done this yet, but then Cas presses a kiss on Dean’s lips and smiles and confides in him that he is the happiest he’s ever been. Dean holds Cas close to his naked chests and almost cries with him that night.

Seven months later they are eating tagliatelle for dinner, because Castiel insists that they taste much better than spaghetti and who is Dean to contradict his boyfriend’s opinion? There’s a bit of sauce on Castiels chin and Dean dies to wipe it away with his thumb and lick it off seductively, but keeps his fingers to himself for the time of eating. As much as their sex life has evolved over the last few months, he knows that Castiel is only comfortable with sexual things in certain ways, when they are in bed for example, or on the couch together. The bathroom, especially the shower, is a gray area. On some days Castiel can close his eyes there and enjoy the pleasure Dean is willing to give him and on some days he will shy away from the other man’s touch and leave the tiled room with fast steps. Dean knows that at times when Castiel is eating, any sexual approach is absolutely out of question and he respects it.

When he is finished, Castiel lays the cutlery into the bowl and dabs his mouth with a blue napkin, effectively wiping the sauce of his chin. He’s been more quiet than usual this evening and his eyes seem calculating. Dean is not finished with his meal yet, but when his boyfriend starts talking, he wishes he was because it feels like the noodles are going to get stuck in his throat and he’ll cough to death.

“I want you to take me to the playroom at your house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what? There is going to be a third part? Don't worry, I won't wait another 7 months to post the next and final installment of this story.


End file.
